Monday, 5 May 2014

Traveller's Guilt

This summer, my oldest friend is getting married.


When I was a kid I always imagined that when we'd grown up we'd live close to each other, and going to her wedding was a given. We were best friends since we were tiny, and in spite of her and her family moving when we were still at primary school, we're still friends and we're still pretty close. 


So when she told me she was getting married in July, my heart sunk. 

I knew it was coming up, but I had utterly convinced myself she was getting married in August- I don't know why, I just did. When she told me originally told me the date, I didn't tell her, I couldn't bring myself to tell my oldest friend that I wasn't going to be at her wedding. July is my first ever jaunt around (mostly Eastern) Europe, it's my longest trip to date.

And, it just so happens to coincide with the biggest day in my friend's whole life. 

I tossed it around in my head for a few days, talking to my best friend about what I should do. My trip was already booked and fully paid for. Should I cancel my trip? Or I could cut it short? Change my dates around- though attending a festival made that impossible. I felt awful, and had no idea what the right answer was. In that time, my invite had turned up, and I read it and hid in a drawer in my bedroom, like that would make the problem go away. I decided that I would have to tell her face to face that I couldn't go to her wedding. Then our plans to meet up got mangled, we still live at opposite ends of the south to this day, and I had to tell her.

It had never occurred to me in my whole life that I would miss Lucy's wedding.

Thankfully she was fine with it, completely understanding, and not at all mad. It doesn't change that I really wish I was going to be there, and I'm still not entirely sure I won't regret not being at her wedding in the future. On the day of her wedding I will be in Zagreb, Croatia.

How am I dealing with this rack of guilt? Not very well, to be perfectly honest. I hope that on the day my mind will be consumed with other things and I won't feel so bad about it. Right now, I'm still gutted that I won't be there. Knowing that Lucy isn't mad about it makes me feel less guilty, and I am going to her hen night next month, which will be amazing and we'll have a great time celebrating her last (ish) nights of freedom.



Have you ever dealt with a situation like this? What did you do?


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